Friday

[This blog was written over the course of a number of hours today.]

First off, words cannot express our gratitude for all the support we've received from so many of you. Over the past 24 hours, we've been especially blessed by blog comments and facebook posts. Who knew technology could be such a tangible expression of grace and divine presence.

I wish I could report a miracle from the past 24 hours. I wish I could say we were packing up and heading home, but for reasons beyond our understanding, that is not the case. On the other hand, I can't help but report a miracle because I just held him in my arms. Some of you already know about the intense discernment process Janel and I went through before we ever tried to get pregnant. We knew Janel had horrible pregnancies; we knew Joshua and Jenna both ended up in the hospital; and we knew there was no guarantee we'd even be able to conceive (we struggled to get pregnant with both Joshua and Jenna). When all was weighed in the balance we decided to lay a 'fleece' before God, and only try to get pregnant over the course of three months. If it happened then, we'd receive it as a gift and sign from God. If not, we'd seriously consider being done having children. Janel got pregnant the third month.

And so, although we are being crushed by this difficulty, I'm trying to remember what a miracle Isaac is in the first place. He is a beautiful child of God, a beautiful gift from God. Sometime, I need to post the pictures I took of him one of the few days he was home. I captured about six different facial expressions in the course of about a minute. We can't help but wonder if he'll be an expressive little boy someday.

We've often speculated that Joshua's and Jenna's personalities came through in the way they dealt with their newborn illnesses. Joshua has always been more laid back, he was in nine days, struggled with eating, and has been pretty mild mannered his whole life. Jenna never struggled to feed, was out in eight days, and has been in high gear ever since. If, indeed, Isaac just needs a couple more days to get through this, and it's nothing more or less than what the siblings had...it's possible we might have our most laid back kid yet. He just doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get out of here. The name 'Isaac' is associated with laughter, and when I was holding him a couple minutes ago he just kept smiling and smiling--one time a big open mouth smile for the nurse to see. Isaac has a grandma who laughs easily, and I hope he has the same gift.

If you haven't noticed until now, my blog posts are much longer when Janel is not here. She went back to Princeton so she could go to Joshua's Halloween parade at school. I got the Lego painted last night, and I'd say we've got the most handsome Lego in all Legoland.

As far as Isaac's prognosis goes...we're still doing a lot of waiting. After Janel left this morning I had an hour or so when I really felt like he was deteriorating. In retrospect, it appears I need to learn to burp him more effectively. :-) This represents the crazy roller coaster we're on.

We think his respiration rate is coming down. Of course, 'think' is the operative word. He is still quite dependent on oxygen and has thus far resisted most attempts at weaning him from it.

Hope comes and goes with wild irregularity around here. Sometimes we are at peace and hopeful. Other times we are nearly paralyzed by stress, exhaustion, fear, and anger. We're thankful for the times of peace and hope. Please continue praying that Isaac will turn the final corner, or maybe that he's even in the process of turning the final corner. When we talked to the doctor today, he said again that we'd wait until Monday for further investigation. If Isaac shows marked improvement before then, we might be able to avoid some of that testing.

A pediatric pulmonologist just looked at Isaac. She is recommending that if he hasn’t improved by Monday we do testing for reflux, aspiration, and a hole between his esophagus and trachea. We would also likely do a CT scan on Monday if Isaac hasn’t improved.

I think that’s all for now.